Crossfit As Therapy?

I never would have imagined that I – of all people – would be participating in Crossfit. If you know my testimony, then you understand why this statement is true. If you don’t know my testimony, here are a few posts where I have chronicled my struggles:

Those Deep Dark Secrets  |  When “It” Returns To Haunt You  |  A True Confession

It didn’t matter how many times I faced my struggle, it seemed to find its way back. This is the first time I have started something, had my body make changes, and I actually accept them. Don’t get me wrong, it has not been a perfect road of no complaining, lol, but of acceptance – yes. For the past two years I have committed myself to running 2-3 times a week (totaling 7-11 miles) and toning based exercises/routines such as BodyPump. My goal was to feel and look thin. I didn’t want my thighs to touch because to me it meant I was fat. I hate anything hanging over the sides of my jeans because I feel like my “love handles” are 3x’ larger than they really are. If I looked thin (even without muscle) and I felt thin I was validated in some sick sense.


What started as an exercise to grow my marriage to a new level has turned into a tri-weekly therapy session for my inner most person. After taking Crossfit classes for around 5 weeks now, my body is changing. My inner thighs touch at the top. When this first started happening, I began to cringe. My entire body was beginning to feel “thick”. (Side note – I have always had a muscular body type from dance  and I didn’t want to have it anymore!) I struggled for a few days, even debating if I wanted to keep doing it… could I really handle these changes to my body without losing my sanity? A single comment from my husband changed my entire attitude of whether I would quit or not…

This is the best your body has looked in a long time. Fit is the new sexy.

Well! If my husband was liking my new physique then it was something I was willing to take on. His opinion of me as my lifelong partner is extremely important to me. In marriage we grow and change everyday and I want to make sure I stay “in tune” with him even when it comes to my body. 🙂

Next came the struggle of food. The workouts were burning lots of calories but I wasn’t replenishing them like I should. I have always had a horrible relationship with food. When I started Crossfit I was at a place with food where I really could care less about eating at all. Food was a necessity to live and I wanted to consume the least amount possible. That meant less to work off. After a conversation with a new friend of mine at this gym, I had a new perspective on eating. She told me after a truth session regarding food, “it’s not about how much you do or don’t take in – it’s about fueling your body for the workout ahead.” I am not sure why this specific sentence made a difference but it did. From that point forward I didn’t quite look at food as an enemy, but instead, a friend.

All-in-all, this 5 week experience has been a positive one. In the last week and half, I have noticed changes in my body that I have NEVER seen in the years of previous working out. I am 32 years old and I am seeing “lines” I have never seen in my life. You read correctly… in 5 weeks I am seeing changes I have never seen in years. It’s encouraging and exciting. While many of the workouts suck, haha, it’s so worth it when you go home and see new lines of definition coming through – even when it’s muscle gain. I feel amazing – like I could take on the world.

I am not someone who intends on working up to lift 250lbs. For now, I am content with the challenge of seeing what I can accomplish, overcoming pieces of me I had thought were finally worked through only to find out they had not been, and seeing a new me my husband is intrigued by – <3. That drives me. At the end of the day, I know what I am called to do for the Lord. It pertains to helping people find freedom and face faith in this temporary life. How in the world can I help people who share my testimony if I still have pieces I need to work through? (I am so amazed how the Lord will prompt us to do one thing and yet it actually “answers” or “corrects” numerous things. I’m so grateful He is an all-knowing GOD and knows exactly what I need, when I need it. I just have to listen.)

I think it’s time to finally close this chapter in my life.

This Christmas Season

Wow. This is the first time in approximately 3 weeks I have had a chance to call my own and just sit for a minute. It’s insane how busy life becomes this time of year. It’s also insane how rushed everything becomes. But I sit here looking at my tree and think to myself – even with everything as crazy as it is, I wouldn’t trade certain aspects of it for anything. The hidden blessings I have found in things I thought I would hate — I’m grateful for. The doors opening up for me that I never saw coming — I’m grateful for. The people I have met recently who are already becoming life family — I’m grateful for. Sure, there is a list a mile long of things I would love to change in my life right now… but some things are just out of our hands. Remember what you have currently — in this very moment — because in an instant things can be taken away from you. Life as you know it today can be nothing like life as you know it tomorrow. This season is more than Christmas trees and get togethers. It’s more than watching the 25 Days of Christmas on TV and it’s even more than what you have under a tree. “Jesus is the reason for the season” might have become a gimmick line for sales but when you stop and think about it, those blessings that I have found, those doors opening, those people I have met that are becoming family… it’s all because of Him. You see, yes… you have given your life to Christ and no you aren’t going to hell – but it’s so much more than that. In a chance of perspective… you GET to go to Heaven. You GET to be with family and friends. You GET to live a life full of love and prosperity. You GET to live one more day with a roof over your head and a car to drive. Food on your table and able to breathe in life. Think about sharing your story with someone – because they might be contemplating ending their life. Or maybe someone has had a string of bad luck – share your reason for your hope!

1 Peter 3:15 — “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.”

Don’t be scared to share what God has done for you! It WILL influence somebody. You don’t have know someone to influence them.

2 Timothy 1:8 —  ” So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord…”

Christmas Jesus