You follow this road called “faith”. It’s a road with twists and turns, often times holes and huge debris. A road not cleared at all and every once in a while, actually impossible to see. It’s foggy, rainy, with just bits of sunshine shining through to see just far enough in front of your own face to take a single step forward. It’s hard to follow – sort of like climbing a steep face of a mountain. You keep going and keep going and keep going thinking “the top is right there… I can see it!”. You make it to the top of the mountain. You roll over on your back and lay completely limp taking in the moment of success: “I DID IT!” In this moment you realize just how much you have been through and accomplished and you are so proud of yourself. You get up, brush yourself off, turn around and realize… there’s more. And it looks endless. When it was just one mountain to climb it was doable – but seeing it’s not just one mountain? You aren’t so sure.
Hebrews 11:9 says (speaking of Abraham) “And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith.” Faith is not a single journey to a single destination. It’s continuous. Constant. Ongoing. Never-ending. Worth it. Amazing. Unique.
My last few days have been trying. I can tell when I am being “attacked” and I have to try to place that into perspective of the people or things launching out at me. Today, I hit a moment where I wasn’t sure I could take much more. But the Holy Spirit reminded me that spiritual warfare is real and linking it to things in the past few days, it all made sense. Just because I feel like I have made it to a mountain top in one area of my life doesn’t mean I do not still by faith in that area and every other area of my life. I can take anything the devil throws at me because I am a child of Jesus. End of story. I know that with HIM I have the ultimate protection.
I am the dreamer who sees finished events, dances, segments before even a single word is written on a page. I am the hopeless romantic that imagines her husband coming home and as he comes in the door, blind folds me and takes me to a romantic picnic in the middle of a quiet and romantic spot. I am the perfectionist who agonizes over every detail because I want to make sure I have given my absolute best and someone will be proud and happy with what they see. I am the mother who worries over whether or not I am doing the right thing which will have an everlasting impression on her daughter. I am the loner who will cry in a room to myself and fix her make up to not show weakness in front of others. I am the wife who struggles to find a balance between working, a daughter, a husband, myself and God. I am the best friend who has one person who seems to be a best friend in return. I am the warrior who will do what it takes and never say a word to anyone else about it because they just don’t need to know.
In every person we can see – is a story we don’t fully know or understand. What they go through and how they deal with it is a mixture of what they have been through and what they have become. But what they have been through and who they have become and how they have dealt with these things is what drives the creativity that fuels the dreams that will change the world.
I have dreams – but you see I have this one dream in particular. It’s called Project Genesis. It’s a dream that defies everything you think you know about the music industry, christian music and the ability to connect them. It’s a dream that gives people new lives. It’s a dream that brings God’s children to HIM in the most unconventional ways…. in places they are at. Not church. Not a youth conference. It’s a dream that meets them where they are in what they love through music, choreography, lights, sets, songs they can relate to – both uplifting songs but also songs they get because they have been there. This dream has been being dreamed for almost 4 years now. And at times – I felt like things were great. Going strong, getting close to being at a starting point. And then… nothing.
Where I am now feels like I am as far away as I could possible be from this dream happening and becoming a reality. All I see is dead ends and dead dreams. It’s frustrating and I almost quit on this dream. I cried out to God one afternoon and just laid it on the table. How was I supposed to be able to do anything from where I am? Networking at the moment is impossible. How am I supposed to keep “believing” this is going to happen? I can’t see where this is possible at all. There is no way for this to start. Really, the list of complaints and questions keep going but you get the point.
And a few days later – I had a thought. A lightbulb moment I completely give God glory for. How many times do we hear that in OUR weakness HE is our strength. Why? Because in those times, He gets the glory undoubtedly. No one can question it, especially not our pride. I’m in a place where I can’t see anything possibly able to happen…. but isn’t that exactly a place God can shine through and gain all the glory? Think about situations like Abraham and Sarah… A baby at their age? They had to have faith and only God could possibly receive the glory and recognition for that. Well ladies and gents, this is where I am.
So, I have faith again. I have faith that in HIS timing – and probably timing where I cannot do a single thing for this thing to begin – it will happen. This dream is so large it’s already physically impossible for me to do on my own. But I know the talents He gave me, I know the passion He gave me, I know the visions He has given me and I know the instructions He has given me.
I woke up this morning excited to go to work because my sister was visiting with my new niece Ms. Isabella Mae Freeman. (I’ll add a picture further down so you can see how adorable she is!) I had my bags in hand, walked out the front door, clicked the “unlock” button on my key fob… nothing. I thought “oh well, battery must be dead.” I went inside and grabbed my spare key fob, hit “unlock”… nothing. I knew I had a problem What are the odds of BOTH batteries going dead at the same time?! Not to mention, one had just been changed 4 months ago.
The way my jeep operates is when you hit lock on the key fob or manually within the jeep, my alarm arms. Unlocking it manually doesn’t disarm the alarm. Only the key fob does. I knew what I was facing (this happen in December when my fob really did have a dead battery and we found out the hard way in The Depot parking lot in downtown Rockmart! lol) I unlocked the jeep manually – off the alarm goes. LOUD LOUD LOUD! No one would ever dare steal my jeep! I pop the hood, take the socket/wrench (that my husband so nicely walked me through because I’m clueless on cars!) and began disassembling the negative battery terminal. No big deal… I’ll leave them off for a minute – put them back on and BAM! It will be fixed.
I called my brother-in-law (at 7am! sorry!) and asked him exactly what did he do when it happen the first time. (He was at The Depot with me that night and tended to my jeep among 4 other men who stood around watching, haha, quite funny looking back!) He told me to take the positive off and let it sit a minute. Ok, did that… Put the terminals back on and BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! off the alarm goes. At this point I can see my neighbors peeking through doors and blinds because it’s 7am and I’m waking them all up!!!
I called a Dodge Dealer and did everything they told me to do. Nothing. I looked in my manual for some sort of supernatural clue on what to do. Nothing. I finally called into work (it’s 7:40 by this point) and tell them what happen and I wouldn’t be in today. I go inside and just start sobbing. Thoughts of, “what’s wrong with it?” “how much is this going to cost?” start swelling in my head. After some research – many people had reported their key fobs needing to be replaced. Awesome! It’s just a key issue then! Not the $600 (price of part only) modulator in my alarm system! I called to check on a price of the keys. ONE KEY = $150 + $50 charge to program it to my jeep. On top of that… the jeep has to be at the dealership for this to happen. (Not happening, lol). After the shock wore off, I began to sob again. What was I going to do? How would we afford it?
You have to understand that mentally, it’s been a hard week for me because our dog – Cassanova – hasn’t been doing well. His prednisone dose had to be increased this week and you can tell he is uncomfortable at times. Not to mention his difficulty in breathing is extremely apparent in his snoring and wheezing. Emotionally, I had had enough.
I had turned the radio on for Cassanova because I had found a ride to work and I leave the radio on for him. I began putting some make up on using the mirror in our dining room. I looked myself in the mirror and thought to myself – “You have a choice in how you deal with this. God has always provided EVERYTHING ever needed both physically and financially. He will provide a solution or he will provide the money to fix it.” I decided to take some time and spend it with Cassanova since he was being needy. As I laid on the floor petting Cassanova over and over again Chris Tomlin‘s new song came on. The lyrics were talking about God as our healer. How ironic right? I’m petting my dog who has cancer and lyrics are speaking of our Healer! Petting Cassanova with me left arm I just raised my right arm up as much as I could, shut my eyes and meditated on God. I thanked Him for everything I could think of. The song that came on after it was a song by Mandisa. She was singing about how everything we go through only makes us stronger and it’s all for a purpose. Again! I start sobbing. The song finished and I had this overwhelming feeling to go try the jeep again. (Those feelings are God speaking to you!) So I did. And it worked! Both key fobs were working, I was able to reset the alarm and drive my car again.
Or is it?
I think God has a sense of humor and does things where no one can question who “took care of the problem”. In this case – it’s LITERALLY a God thing.
Galatians 3:5 (Msg)
Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you? Don’t these things happen among you just as they happened with Abraham? He believed God, and that act of belief was turned into a life that was right with God.