I’m Afraid, I Put My Trust In You

Today, I am surprised at how quickly this has overtaken me. Throughout the day, my fear level has increased exponentially. In the past few weeks, I have not eaten well by any means. Not eating cake and ice cream every day but enjoying that cake or ice cream every other day (in some shape, form, or fashion). What it has done to me – I have to say – even I am shocked to see because I have always been able to maintain my weight relatively easy. My midsection is not as thinned out as it could be or has been. When I can grip hand fulls of my stomach area I know I have a problem. My brain has been tossing the thoughts I have been having over and over again in my own head. This feeling of not being able to get this weight off makes me want to shut down and cry. Looking at myself in the mirror makes me ashamed that I allowed myself to get here. It makes me depressed. The thought of dealing with food scares me because (1) I’m such a picky eater so my options are limited and (2) it overwhelms me to count calories and place it under a microscope. I have no idea what I weigh because I refuse to step on a scale. That number is bondage for me in the worst way.

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3

I do know the best way to overcome things is to put it out in the open and not allowing it be kept a secret {Those Deep Dark Secrets and Freedom From My Secret}. By doing that, the secret sin I once struggled with cannot come back quite as easily. My mind swarms with thoughts of trying to figure out how I can work some run time in – or how can I eat less and not stress my self out. How do I eat more vegetables when I don’t like vegetables? For those of you who don’t struggle with things like this – I know it sounds stupid and insane. For those of you who have or do – you get it.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Here’s to me being candid with my blogging world and telling you I am struggling. Right now, I would love nothing more than to go to the gym and at least allow myself to feel good in those moments about myself and my body.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

No one is immune to this sort of thing. It doesn’t discriminate by gender, race, or age. It comes with open arms to everyone who will welcome it. Instead of going to the gym, I need to go to my prayer closet. Only there can I get this under control and take the healthy and necessary steps to become happy with myself again and remove all of these negative thoughts. Even as I type this, I can hear a whisper in my ear saying, “if you share this, it’s going to come back to bite you.” I declare that voice to leave me alone in the name of Jesus! I have not eaten well, okay, get it under control. My consequence for eating so freely is weight I now need to lose – but I can’t allow it to condemn me and slide me back into my old ways. I can’t starve myself, I can’t punish myself. I just can’t.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

I can do this. I can regain control by giving my control to God.

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He’s Looking For The Broken

“He knows what broke your heart. He knows where to find all the pieces.”


God knows when our hearts are broken. Just because someone else broke it doesn’t mean God isn’t mending it, nurturing it, and loving you in all the ways you need to feel loved. When others do not live up to our expectations, He will never let us down. People will always disappoint us (whether intentional or not) because we are human. We should try to always do the best we can but we will mess up. Jesus would not have a reason to have gone through such a horrific sacrifice if we were perfect. The process of getting through the brokenness may hurt and be uncomfortable; however, if we empty ourselves to God, if we bow before Him sitting in His throne pouring out our hearts as a fragrant offering (much like an alabaster box) He can begin to use us.

He is looking for the broken to begin using in His kingdom. Don’t believe me?

You can’t bind up the brokenhearted, if you have never been brokenhearted. – Isaiah 61:1

He doesn’t want those who go through the motions, but instead those who are broken – Psalm 51:16-17

When we are brokenhearted He is close to us – Psalm 34:18

He gives grace to those who are humble, if we are broken we can’t be prideful – James 4:6

It’s who He is looking for – Isaiah 66:2


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He Can Fix You

Do you feel broken or do you feel like nothing is going the way you had hoped? Do you feel like no one loves you and no one will ever love you? The good news is you do not have to remain in that way of thinking or feeling.


When Jesus died for our sins he gave us an ability to live a life for Him full of encouragement, hope, passion, and power and to live eternally with Him when we pass on from this life. We are created in His image. So, in those moments when we feel like we’re not enough, we aren’t pretty enough, we aren’t capable of doing what’s in front of us, when we’re full of fear instead of faith, we need to remember that by being created in His image we have the ability to do all of those things. We do not have to settle for a life of poverty or a misunderstanding. We do not have to settle for a mediocre life, a mediocre career, being a mediocre mom or dad, sister or brother. We the ability to be the best.

In order to achieve all of this, we have to surrender our souls and our life to Jesus. We must officially accept Him into our hearts and then choose to live an identified life for Him for the remainder of our lives. If you have given your life to Christ then you should be bearing the fruit of it on a daily basis. It begins with being 100% truthful about where you are, what you want, and what you have to do to get it. The love of Jesus is conditional. You must make the decision to accept Him to receive the promises to have spoken in the Bible. The most amazing part of the entire process of salvation is after accepting Jesus, His love for us is unconditional.

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I Hear The Mountains Trembling

This morning I am filled with the HOPE of God in our situations that seem exhausting. It doesn’t matter how big something seems – or looks – a mountain or a mountain range is tiny for God. I mean, c’mon, when you create the earth you can easily get rid of something on the earth. 🙂 The mountains are trembling because they may be standing in front of you temporarily, but they know what is coming! And so does the devil! Let your feet hit the floor this morning with strength, confidence, and a loud BOOM!

It may not happen in YOUR timing or even how YOU think it should look… And you may endure pain and suffering. There’s a list of scripture that explains we may suffer but to count it as joy. Sounds backwards, yes, but in a way it’s the ultimate compliment if you think about it. (How often we need to just change our perspective on things, but that is another blog for another day.) Worship Him today for the miracle that is coming… not the miracle you are asking for. (Did you see what I did there?) Thank Him for the answer to prayer that is coming… not the answer you are still praying for. (See it again?)

Do you believe? You can ask all you want – but we must have faith.

FAITH: The thing hoped for but not yet seen.

It’s not easy. If it were, everyone would do it – and not everyone chooses to experience His miracles. They have no idea what they are missing out on. We can go as deep in God as we want – EVERY DAY – and STILL never experience all of Him. Don’t believe me? Try it!

I have these playing in the background for the day because I love, love, love His glory. #breakingthroughthemountain