Learning To Let Go

When your heart is heavyWhen my heart is heavy, sometimes the last thing I want to do is talk – but it’s exactly what I need to do… I need to talk to God. It’s amazing how much better I can feel when I have “talked it out” with Him. If I could draw a timeline of my life in the last year and half you would see just how challenging it has been. My confession? While I knew God would take my burden, it took my flesh a LOT longer to catch up with that notion and the lesson I would learn for it. For the longest time I carried the burden of what others were going through, situations in my marriage or as a mom to Kait, the stress of work, and a million other burdens. They would weigh me down so much I would begin to harbor a horrible attitude. I was always angry with a short fuse to even worse anger. Physically, I would feel like a steam locomotive who needed to let the steam out. It was awful. Then little-by-little Holy Spirit began to nibble at my heart. Sort of like a little fish nibbling on a big piece of french bread… you get the point of how long this took. I wasn’t happy. No one could make me happy.

Over time, here is what God began doing:

  1. He would speak to me through people… a word here or there. He would send someone with encouragement for me. I was so filled with anger and resentment I didn’t hear it. 

  2. He would speak to me in my dreams. I can’t ignore dreams and God knows that. 

  3. He would begin to plant a specific scripture in my head. Randomly something would come to my mind and out of curiosity, I went searching to see what it said. Again, God knows how I tick and He knew I would go searching.

    (This is a bi-product of us spending time with God, as in a relationship, the more time you spend with each other the more you discover about each other. Granted, God knows us because He created us, but He has the opportunity to love on us, intrigue us, surprise us, and bless us in the ways we like those things the more time we spend with Him!)

  4. All-of-a-sudden, it all came together into a big picture. I finally understood what God was trying to say to me. I just had to get myself out-of-the-way.

I love to see the clues and try to figure out what God is saying to me. AND HE KNOWS THAT! So He speaks to me that way. 🙂

Eventually I began to get the hint. He was telling me to let go. What I discovered about myself in this process was I had a control issue. I wanted to control it all – and I couldn’t. Gosh this was so hard for me to learn. There are still moments where I swell up wanting to control a situation because I feel I could handle it better – or do better in some fashion – and I always here Holy Spirit whispering to me… “it’s not your battle“.

It’s not my battle. It’s not your battle. It’s not our place to carry other’s burdens and battle it out for them in the earthly realm but we can battle it out in our prayer closets. That’s where I fight mine now. I’ve been battling in the closet for a few months now. When I say closet – I literally mean closet – thanks to the movie War Room. Moving to a small isolated area made a world of difference for me. I want my prayers baked into those walls!


I’m Afraid, I Put My Trust In You

Today, I am surprised at how quickly this has overtaken me. Throughout the day, my fear level has increased exponentially. In the past few weeks, I have not eaten well by any means. Not eating cake and ice cream every day but enjoying that cake or ice cream every other day (in some shape, form, or fashion). What it has done to me – I have to say – even I am shocked to see because I have always been able to maintain my weight relatively easy. My midsection is not as thinned out as it could be or has been. When I can grip hand fulls of my stomach area I know I have a problem. My brain has been tossing the thoughts I have been having over and over again in my own head. This feeling of not being able to get this weight off makes me want to shut down and cry. Looking at myself in the mirror makes me ashamed that I allowed myself to get here. It makes me depressed. The thought of dealing with food scares me because (1) I’m such a picky eater so my options are limited and (2) it overwhelms me to count calories and place it under a microscope. I have no idea what I weigh because I refuse to step on a scale. That number is bondage for me in the worst way.

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3

I do know the best way to overcome things is to put it out in the open and not allowing it be kept a secret {Those Deep Dark Secrets and Freedom From My Secret}. By doing that, the secret sin I once struggled with cannot come back quite as easily. My mind swarms with thoughts of trying to figure out how I can work some run time in – or how can I eat less and not stress my self out. How do I eat more vegetables when I don’t like vegetables? For those of you who don’t struggle with things like this – I know it sounds stupid and insane. For those of you who have or do – you get it.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Here’s to me being candid with my blogging world and telling you I am struggling. Right now, I would love nothing more than to go to the gym and at least allow myself to feel good in those moments about myself and my body.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

No one is immune to this sort of thing. It doesn’t discriminate by gender, race, or age. It comes with open arms to everyone who will welcome it. Instead of going to the gym, I need to go to my prayer closet. Only there can I get this under control and take the healthy and necessary steps to become happy with myself again and remove all of these negative thoughts. Even as I type this, I can hear a whisper in my ear saying, “if you share this, it’s going to come back to bite you.” I declare that voice to leave me alone in the name of Jesus! I have not eaten well, okay, get it under control. My consequence for eating so freely is weight I now need to lose – but I can’t allow it to condemn me and slide me back into my old ways. I can’t starve myself, I can’t punish myself. I just can’t.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

I can do this. I can regain control by giving my control to God.

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He’s Looking For The Broken

“He knows what broke your heart. He knows where to find all the pieces.”


God knows when our hearts are broken. Just because someone else broke it doesn’t mean God isn’t mending it, nurturing it, and loving you in all the ways you need to feel loved. When others do not live up to our expectations, He will never let us down. People will always disappoint us (whether intentional or not) because we are human. We should try to always do the best we can but we will mess up. Jesus would not have a reason to have gone through such a horrific sacrifice if we were perfect. The process of getting through the brokenness may hurt and be uncomfortable; however, if we empty ourselves to God, if we bow before Him sitting in His throne pouring out our hearts as a fragrant offering (much like an alabaster box) He can begin to use us.

He is looking for the broken to begin using in His kingdom. Don’t believe me?

You can’t bind up the brokenhearted, if you have never been brokenhearted. – Isaiah 61:1

He doesn’t want those who go through the motions, but instead those who are broken – Psalm 51:16-17

When we are brokenhearted He is close to us – Psalm 34:18

He gives grace to those who are humble, if we are broken we can’t be prideful – James 4:6

It’s who He is looking for – Isaiah 66:2


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He Can Fix You

Do you feel broken or do you feel like nothing is going the way you had hoped? Do you feel like no one loves you and no one will ever love you? The good news is you do not have to remain in that way of thinking or feeling.


When Jesus died for our sins he gave us an ability to live a life for Him full of encouragement, hope, passion, and power and to live eternally with Him when we pass on from this life. We are created in His image. So, in those moments when we feel like we’re not enough, we aren’t pretty enough, we aren’t capable of doing what’s in front of us, when we’re full of fear instead of faith, we need to remember that by being created in His image we have the ability to do all of those things. We do not have to settle for a life of poverty or a misunderstanding. We do not have to settle for a mediocre life, a mediocre career, being a mediocre mom or dad, sister or brother. We the ability to be the best.

In order to achieve all of this, we have to surrender our souls and our life to Jesus. We must officially accept Him into our hearts and then choose to live an identified life for Him for the remainder of our lives. If you have given your life to Christ then you should be bearing the fruit of it on a daily basis. It begins with being 100% truthful about where you are, what you want, and what you have to do to get it. The love of Jesus is conditional. You must make the decision to accept Him to receive the promises to have spoken in the Bible. The most amazing part of the entire process of salvation is after accepting Jesus, His love for us is unconditional.

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