I have always known the touch of a husband could be powerful. It wasn’t until today that I experienced just how powerful that could be.
So often the world associates the touch of a husband as sexual. The brushing of a body part meant to arouse and stimulate. What I experienced today took me to a place I have never been and one that was spiritual in nature.
This morning I woke up to what I thought was a decent mood. After a (what should have been) quick stop at Dunkin’ Donuts for some morning coffee on our way to church, I realized quickly I was not in a decent mood. Slowly as the morning progressed I realized internally I was frustrated and defeated. Currently, I am 37 weeks pregnant, ready to have a baby both mentally and physically. I have gained 31 pounds which, at least this morning, was messing with my head. I’m over the questions of “how far along are you!?” or “oh, wow, you look like you could go any day” or any other stereotypical statement people tend to make at this point in a pregnancy. I do know these people don’t mean to be anything besides nice – it was just a morning where they worked my nerves. I sat in worship and tried to “push through” the thick wall that seemed to be between God and me. I told the Lord I would not pray for anything regarding my situations or frustrations that I was simply going to worship Him. I was going to worship my King of Kings.
As the third song began, I just sat on the edge of my chair with my my hands on my legs. I looked down with my eyes closed and just sat while the song played. Tears began to fall down my cheek. A single tear on each side. I knew they were tears of “I don’t know what to say in this moment”. Desperation filled me in that moment. I wanted God to pick me up in that moment, love on me, and just tell me it was all going to be past me soon.
In a single moment, my dam of tears broke and cascaded down my cheeks, chin, to my chest. My husband reached down and with his right hand, grabbed my left. It was exactly what I needed to feel in that moment. He had let me know it was going to be okay without saying a word. Him reaching for my hand made me remember in that moment I had someone to walk these difficult days with. He may not always be able to empathize with me (as he has never been pregnant) but he could sympathize with me.Some of the tears represented my current feelings but the other half represented how grateful I was in that moment for my husband to reach out to me.
My tears increased and increased until I was inconsolably crying (snotting really). Just then, my husband reached around with his right hand, pulled me in, and placed his hand on my shoulder. He just held me. Yes, the snotting became worse! I was speechless in that moment. How did he know? How did he know exactly what I needed in that moment? As he held me close, I could feel the presence of God with us. In a single moment, what scripture talks about when a husband and wife become “one”… came to life more than ever. The power of God that I felt in between us physically and spiritually didn’t feel like it was even real. Words cannot describe this moment accurate enough for you to read.
(You have to know me to understand, that I keep many of my feelings and struggles inside of myself. I do not open up or share things with many people. There are even struggles I don’t share with my husband because I don’t want to waste his time with my issues. I’m not in anyway saying I am right in this, but it’s a piece of where I am right now. My husband has a thousand other things to deal with, the least I can do is try to hold my own, right?! haha)
As I said in the beginning, I learned today how powerful the touch of a husband can be. To be touched or held by him makes the world and all of the problems it has currently dealt me disappear for a moment in time. That’s a job on he can do as a human being. No other person, male or female, has that ability. We should cherish the individual abilities God has given us as spouses that no one else can accomplish.
Shane, I love you more than words. I am so grateful for you, the man you are, and the man you are continuing to become in the eyes of God! ❤