Category: Learning & Listening

Tonight, I sit here a little overwhelmed with what life is throwing at me right now. If I am being honest, I also thinking about how hard obedience to God can be – and how the deeper I go the harder it seems to become in some areas. Having walked with God for a while now, I know in my heart how worth it the obedience is; however, my head tends to try and think something different. [oh, the importance of making sure our head and heart are aligned with scripture.]

Today, I broke down. Tears streaming down my face because of some personal struggles I am going through. Even those of us who seem to never let anything bother us have days where you just sort of hit bottom. Maybe, even a pity party. Just depends on what sort of party favors are laying around. 🙂

I happen to be with my sister when this episode happen. She fed me kind words and tried to help me through my “moment” but it didn’t help. The reason it didn’t help? The struggles are in my mind. It’s not something, like alcohol, where I just don’t go to a bar. They are struggles that have a root problem you can’t avoid.

I left her house and drove towards Hiram to meet my husband. All in all, I had a 35 minute drive just sitting and thinking. “Break Every Chain” was playing in the background. My daughter and I had listened to this song over and over the day before in preparation for our upcoming Sunday at church. Holy Spirit reminded me of what had taken place yesterday afternoon:

On Monday afternoon the song was playing for (what seemed like) the 15th time. Kait said, “Mommy, watch me dance!” as she danced the  best she could while singing the first few lines of the song and sitting in a carseat.

“There is power in the name of Jesus, There is power in the name of Jesus, There is power in the name of Jesus…” she sang as passionately as she could.

Then she blew my mind. She sang the words “to break every chain, break every chain, break every chain.” as she pointed to her mind. WOW. First of all that my child hears and sees so clearly at 4-years-old; but secondly, to see what the Holy Spirit was showing me…

Now I focus on breaking those chains by worshipping, studying, and getting loved on by Jesus! My struggles do not define me. They are not what disqualifies me. They do not name me, categorize me, or brand me in anyway. Being a child of the most HIGH GOD does all of those things – and to my benefit. It doesn’t mean I won’t struggle or have bad days. What it means is He is with me every step of the way and will see me through. Even when I don’t want to see myself through.

#knowyourworth #knowwhoyouare #straightenyourcrown

Galatians 5:1  “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery.”

2 Corinthians 3:17 “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

 

On my heart tonight is who we are as WARRIORS. Sure, we have identities as moms, children, sisters, and friends. But have you considered your place as a warrior? A soldier, dressed for battle – but do you know the battle plan? Do you know the strategies being used in this war? Could you imagine what war would be like if no one knew what was going on – where it was going on – and how it was going on. Chaos would explode. A good soldier knows what is happening at all times. He/she is also very keen to what is happening around them at all times. Trained to recognize friend and foe, they are ready for anything at all times. Are you? Are you ready for your battle? Do you know God’s plans? Where you are supposed to be? Who the enemy is? Do you know the timeline? Timing is everything after all. Only on His command do we activate these plans – otherwise it’s us working in our own timing. Oh, how often we do this.

Thoughts have come, wave after wave, of this idea of being a warrior… a soldier. Women are often thought of as these fragile, can’t get dirty, figurines that if used too much will break. That’s a lie. Women are tough. Capable. Strong. Full of endurance. Some women will never choose to take on this role perhaps out of fear or selfishness. WE HAVE A PLACE TO BATTLE. It’s not a place to be seen. It’s not a place of great recognition. In fact, it’s more often than not, a place of no recognition. Our battle ground is on our knees going after God’s heart and His desires with all that we are. It’s praying without ceasing – and believing without doubting. It’s telling the devil where he can stick it when he tries to butt in. It’s the place where our lives are changed – our children’s lives are set up – and our marriages are placed back together. It’s the place where miracles happen – checks come in the mail – and job opportunities arise. It’s the place where cancer disappears, the dead are raised, loved ones come to know Jesus, and the impossible is now possible. It’s the place where we can expose ourselves and feel no shame or condemnation. It’s the place where truth meets perfection and guilt is put to death. The unbearable becomes light. The worst fear becomes your the greatest joy.

Break through the mountain. So much of what we look at is based on perspective. A sunset is a sunrise if you flip it. The sun is not setting on your situation – it’s rising. Change your perspective.

Today I had the opportunity to see God move first hand – but it took stepping out of my box to see it. 

I never have a reason to go to the post office. Today I did. I have needed to purchase stamps for about a week now. Through a mixture of forgetting and when I did remember stores not selling them I just never bought any. Today I decided I would just go to the post office. 

After mailing my envelopes I noticed a car with a passenger door open parked next to me. The driver of the car, an older woman, was already heading to the post office door. The passenger, an older man, was paused with his legs hanging out of the car and his feet planted on the ground. In front of him, a walker with a seat. As we walked to the car he apologized for thinking he was in my way. We had small talk as I put Kait in the car. I asked him if he was trying to get up. The driver who had been walking towards the door apparently was watching us because she had not entered the building. She answered, “he has to wait on someone to help him.” It is my assumption she was going to get someone to help him out of the car. The older man looked at me and preceded to tell me about his legs and how they “don’t work well”. I felt a nudge from Holy Spirit. I knew this nudge and it was one that makes my stomach drop every single time. The kind of nudge I used to argue with a Holy Spirit about. 😂

“Would you mind if I prayed with you?” I asked. “Not at all.” He responded. The driver was still watching. We prayed. I prayed boldly and unashamed (and frankly not caring who heard me). The man said thank you and I got in my car. 

To my astonishment, as I began to put my seatbelt on, the man I had just prayed for pulled himself up out of the car and to his own walker. The woman still standing at the entrance to the post office looked stunned. She then looked at me and lipped “thank you”.

Getting out of my box stirred my faith today. It was completely worth it!! Get out of yours. Discover what will happen when you do. 

I feel lost. So many things happening around me. I am in a bubble. God is speaking on so many things and yet I still feel lost. Going through the motions isn’t going to work. Serving just to serve isn’t going to work. Being okay with where life is just isn’t going to work.

I’ve been seeking and asking God, just as His word says to do, and some answers have been surprising. He knows me so well.

My rule of thumb is if I am down, angry, sad, depressed, etc and can pinpoint it then it’s probably something physical. If I can’t pinpoint something then it’s probably spiritual. There are exceptions and this is how God has worked in me in the past. I’m not saying it’s a one size fits all plan.

Oh the importance of keeping prayer journals. That’s where He sent me. So, over the next few days that is where I will be. Rereading 4 years of journals waiting for Holy Spirit to highlight for me what God is leading me to. I’m ready for answers.

This is me in transparency. There is no climax to this story. It’s my walk and my life. It’s my current confession of where I am and what I am going through. Just maybe someone else will reply to this blog and join me and we can walk this together.