I have read many articles and listened to many speakers regarding this subject. A marriage blog titled “3 Things Women Want From Their Husbands” came up in my Facebook feed this morning so I read it. I decided to share their three things but added a fourth one of my own to the mix.
Positivity | Security | Appreciation | Sexual & Nonsexual Affection (not necessarily in this order)
1. Positivity. Cynicism and sarcasm have their place, but nobody wants to be with someone who is sarcastic and cynical all of the time. It’s exhausting. Being in the presence of someone with a positive outlook on life can actually be energizing. An optimistic husband makes his wife feel good and that positivity is contagious, even inspiring. (From blog on http://www.marriage365.org)
2. Security. A woman will feel safe with a man who is emotionally available, honest, trustworthy, and authentic. These are emotional character strengths she can respect and admire in her husband. A man of character and emotional depth is a man who knows who he is and likes himself. His strength is not physical so much as it is in the clarity of his mind and emotions. These are character strengths that a wife not only admires, but feels safe with. He is not a weak man that will bend to the whims of other people. She can trust him to be who he is. (From blog on http://www.marriage365.org)
3. Appreciation. All women want to feel appreciated. Women manage a lot on a day to day basis and don’t get a lot of credit. A statement such as, “Hey babe, thanks for making dinner tonight. I really appreciate it,” shows consideration and shows you don’t take your wife for granted. An honest thank you is worth a thousand words. Remember that your words are life giving to those around you. (From blog on http://www.marriage365.org)
I would add a fourth item to this list. Sexual/Nonsexual affection. Men have the reputation for being the one on the marriage who desire this but women desire to feel beautiful, wanted, and desires just as much as a man does. In fact, I have known marriages where the stereotypical marriage was not present and the wife had a stronger desire than the husband. Sexual affection is far different than nonsexual affection. This is why it’s important to have both.
Sexual affection lets a wife know she is sexy/desired, that SHE is her husband’s fantasy, and she is all he needs to fulfill his desires. Nonsexual affection lets a wife know her husband loves her, is thinking about her, appreciates her, and is in love with her.
[Yes, “loving” someone and being “in love” with someone are two completely different things. This is another subject for another day.]
These things are vital. They might as well be air, food, and water for a marriage. When you are not receiving these things it is easy to begin thinking negative thoughts regarding your marriage. This is why open communication is so important so both spouses are on the same page.
What does the Bible say about our marriage relationship?
“Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.“ (Genesis 2:25) // we should be physically comfortable with each other naked and we should be emotionally vulnerable with each other
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (Romans 12:2) // do not set the standards of your marriage based on this world, ask God to show you (and change you if needed) to meet the standards He has set for marriage
“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8) // marriage is not going to be perfect, so don’t expect it to be and love your spouse through working through it
“But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself.” (Proverbs 6:32) // male or female, you hurt your spouse and yourself, this is not only physical affairs, emotional affairs break trust and build walls too
“I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28) // mental monogamy is as important as physical monogamy for both genders
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” (Philippians 4:6) // what better advice than this, pray through it all and trust God continuously, marriage is not a perfect ride but it will be much, much easier with Him
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21) // respect each other and places their needs before yours, what is important to your spouse should be important to you
“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” (Ephesians 5:25) // this verse has a pretty high standard, husbands have a standard to reach here but wives have a standard of how we are to respond to Christ, therefore responding to our husband
1 Corinthians 13 // get your pencil out and start checking things off the list
“Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32) // be sensitive and tender hearted to each other
For more detail on these scriptures click here.
Confession Letters 