If 2016 is going to be a year of fulfillment and implementation [of God’s promises], then God must be in full swing. My heart is so full of hope, joy, and excitement, I can hardly contain myself. My heart is also filled with what Holy Spirit is filling it with – my future. In my spirit, I feel the next 11 months are going to be filled with opportunities to travel to specific places and minister, opportunities to lead worship, opportunities to grow in what God has called me to do in leadership, opportunities to step out further than I ever have in faith. I believe the favor I prayed for last year is the pavement I will walk upon this year.
This insight comes after a breakdown with Jesus and me. The Getchell schedule is very busy – and my flesh is very selfish. It doesn’t matter how giving of a person you are, everyone has something they don’t want to give up. I have mine. When you feel like that one thing that is “yours” is being infringed upon, naturally we begin to become defensive [or full of attitude, pride]. I feel like I give a lot of myself to others, to church, to work, to my family. I cannot tell you how many times I have these great ideas that will be accomplished in the evenings when I get home from work [or on a weekend] only they are met with dinner, baths, showers, laundry, rehearsal, prayer time, house cleaning, and prepping for the next day. The things I yearn to complete for myself never quite make it on the list. Then you feel Holy Spirit prompting you to give up yet another part of you. The only part you feel like you have left that is “yours” or “your time”. I fought it. I admit it, I was selfish in that moment [weeks]. Throughout my weeks of being selfish I felt like I wasn’t hearing from God. It was difficult for me to get into His presence. Normally it wasn’t. It was not until I had a conversation with my dear mother that I realized just how selfish I was being. Let me give you a visual… We are sitting at Dunkin Donuts having breakfast with my little girl. By the end of this conversation I am so full of internal frustration water works are happening. You can imagine what others were thinking around me. “Did someone die?” “Oh poor lady…” “She looks nuts!” And all the while, my daughter keeps asking, “mommy, why are you crying?”. How do I explain to a 3-year old that God just gave mommy a 2×4 across the head and I am crying because it hurts and I feel like I let Him down? (Sidenote: The devil is good at disguising things. He wants us to be prideful, manipulative, complainers that only think of ourselves. Do you really want to give him satisfaction?)
We went to church and in the midst of worship I found myself debating and arguing with myself mentally. Thinking about something I needed to do and then convincing myself why I don’t want to. If someone could be in my head watching I would appear to have multiple personalities. Becoming overwhelmed with my own thoughts, I fell to my knees and poured my heart out to God.
2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit,
and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
After all, it’s not a secret to Him. He knows exactly what I am thinking at all times. I know scripture well enough to know that God wins all the time. I would not allow the devil to win the battle happening in my mind. I overcame my flesh, and told God I would do whatever He wanted me to do, including give up the only thing I had that felt like “me time”.
No sooner did the words come out of my mouth… I mean I am talking seconds… I felt a hand on my lower back. Prayers, in a language only described as angelic, began to pour out of this person’s mouth. My body swelled up with God’s presence – my eyes swelled with tears. The Lord spoke through this person and as I heard each and every word God had for me, I was overcome with more surrender. Surrender I didn’t even know I had in me. By the end of God speaking, all but one question I had asked God within the 21 day fast so far had been answered and accounted for. His last statement to me? “My good and faithful servant.” This single line put me over the top. I’m talking 100%, snotting out of the nose, forehead to the carpet, uncontrollable whaling. The people the chairs in front of me could probably hear me over the music.
I surrendered. God spoke.
Let me say, I don’t apologize for my moment with God. Our moments should never intentionally interrupt someone else’s worship – but sometimes when you are touched… you are just touched. My desire is for everyone I know to find their own, personal, unbridled freedom in worship to our Savior. When you can find your way to that place, there is no turning back. In those moments, you realize [or remember] what Jesus has brought you out of [your past sin] and placed you in [eternal life with Him, never lacking again]. Who wouldn’t be excited about that?!
3 thoughts on “Surrendering Is Not A Battle Of The Wills, It’s An Act Of Worship”
You are so precious. Thank you for sharing this. The fast was a difficult one and your persevered. God has great and mighty things for you and I cannot wait to be there as you walk through all those doors he is going to open for you. Love you my friend.
Thanks lady! It was hard, harder than normal. I’m still nervous because I have to make decisions on some things that I don’t feel like God is really giving me clear cut answers on. 😣😂
God will give you clarity. There is no confusion in God. You just have to recognize that there is something getting in the way of that answer and it may just be timing. Stay persistent and trust that He will Come through for you in His timing.