All Alone

In the Spring of 2013 I was laid off from my current job in Cobb County. I did everything in Cobb County. Life was full and fun. Being laid off was a lonely experience because I couldn’t go anywhere. Watching the checkbook to make sure we made bills on one income meant leaving the house the least amount of times possible to not have to fill up my jeep at $4.00/gallon. It was easy to get through because it was only temporary.

But what about when it’s not temporary?

In my fourth month of being laid off, I was hired by a company in Carrollton, GA. Life could not have been more in the opposite direction for me. For almost 8 years, I had worked with my parents and sister. Familiar faces and relationships everyday. Now, I was in a place where I knew no one and had no relationships. It’s was lonely. Everyday my drive to and from work I just recounted the day and how I sat to myself or tried to fit in with people only to feel rejected. There was also the issue of recreating “my” schedule. To have it feel “normal” again. How do I fit in working out? Now, I have to pick up my child from daycare, how do I work that into the schedule? My routine settled into itself although it never quite “felt” the same. Even now, it doesn’t have a familiar feeling to it.

wake up, get ready
get Kait up, get her ready
drop off at daycare
work all day, skip lunch so I can workout at end of day
pick Kait up from daycare
home – dinner, showers/baths, bedtime

My schedule is probably similar to many other moms who work and have a child, but my day is very lonely. I do not have any commrodery in my life. I have work and I have family but nothing outside of that. I would love to rejoin a gym with fitness classes because I enjoy that atmosphere; but at the moment, where I work and with my schedule that isn’t possible right now. I try my best at creating friendships but nothing ever comes of them beyond a Facebook hello. Life literally gets to busy. It’s like I don’t have time for me much less friendships.

Initially, I could handle it. It was what it was and there was nothing I could do about it. Then, I noticed it began to take a toll on me in one way or another. I found myself becoming really depressed. I started to have a desire to just be by myself. Sometimes I would just curl up and cry when my frustration level was just too much to handle. Why was life like this? Why did I feel like I was in the middle of nowhere (literally, living in Rockmart) all by myself?

So what changed?

I started praying. I started reading. I asked “why” about a million times. I just couldn’t understand why I was all alone. It was not immediate, but God answered me. Loud… and… clear…

He told me He isolated me so I could work on Project Genesis, otherwise I would have been distracted. WOW. That was an answer that shut me up in a hurry (and if we are being honest, not the answer I expected). It is insane to think that God was planning that far out! I moved to Rockmart in 2009 and didn’t even think about Project Genesis until around 2010/2011. Even then, it was just a small idea. Want to know what really knocked me off my feet? He orchestrated me to be isolated – to work on Project Genesis – because Project Genesis meant that much to HIM! He wanted me working on Project Genesis so He worked it all out so I had the chance. God continues to blow my mind.

When you feel like you are all alone, ask God what is He wanting you to spend time on. You might be surprised to find the dream you have in you!