Dead Dreams

I am the dreamer who sees finished events, dances, segments before even a single word is written on a page. I am the hopeless romantic that imagines her husband coming home and as he comes in the door, blind folds me and takes me to a romantic picnic in the middle of a quiet and romantic spot. I am the perfectionist who agonizes over every detail because I want to make sure I have given my absolute best and someone will be proud and happy with what they see. I am the mother who worries over whether or not I am doing the right thing which will have an everlasting impression on her daughter. I am the loner who will cry in a room to myself and fix her make up to not show weakness in front of others. I am the wife who struggles to find a balance between working, a daughter, a husband, myself and God. I am the best friend who has one person who seems to be a best friend in return. I am the warrior who will do what it takes and never say a word to anyone else about it because they just don’t need to know.

In every person we can see – is a story we don’t fully know or understand. What they go through and how they deal with it is a mixture of what they have been through and what they have become. But what they have been through and who they have become and how they have dealt with these things is what drives the creativity that fuels the dreams that will change the world.

I have dreams – but you see I have this one dream in particular. It’s called Project Genesis. It’s a dream that defies everything you think you know about the music industry, christian music and the ability to connect them. It’s a dream that gives people new lives. It’s a dream that brings God’s children to HIM in the most unconventional ways…. in places they are at. Not church. Not a youth conference. It’s a dream that meets them where they are in what they love through music, choreography, lights, sets, songs they can relate to – both uplifting songs but also songs they get because they have been there.  This dream has been being dreamed for almost 4 years now. And at times – I felt like things were great. Going strong, getting close to being at a starting point. And then… nothing.

Where I am now feels like I am as far away as I could possible be from this dream happening and becoming a reality. All I see is dead ends and dead dreams. It’s frustrating and I almost quit on this dream. I cried out to God one afternoon and just laid it on the table. How was I supposed to be able to do anything from where I am? Networking at the moment is impossible. How am I supposed to keep “believing” this is going to happen? I can’t see where this is possible at all. There is no way for this to start. Really, the list of complaints and questions keep going but you get the point.

And a few days later – I had a thought. A lightbulb moment I completely give God glory for. How many times do we hear that in OUR weakness HE is our strength. Why? Because in those times, He gets the glory undoubtedly. No one can question it, especially not our pride. I’m in a place where I can’t see anything possibly able to happen…. but isn’t that exactly a place God can shine through and gain all the glory? Think about situations like Abraham and Sarah… A baby at their age? They had to have faith and only God could possibly receive the glory and recognition for that. Well ladies and gents, this is where I am.

So, I have faith again. I have faith that in HIS timing – and probably timing where I cannot do a single thing for this thing to begin – it will happen. This dream is so large it’s already physically impossible for me to do on my own. But I know the talents He gave me, I know the passion He gave me, I know the visions He has given me and I know the instructions He has given me.

My dead dreams have been given CPR.