When “It” Returns To Haunt You

I wasn’t going to blog this at all; however, I have been reminded countless times in the last week about it so here it is.

Ultimately, my saving grace is expressed in this verse:

 “I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, 
and I have been saved from my enemies.” (Psalm 18:3 NIV)

My “it” is my past issues with food and exercise. Years ago, I starved myself trying to lose weight, unhappy with how I looked and felt. Then, food became a guilty pleasure for me coinciding with over exercising as punishment. I overcame all of it somewhere around 3 or 4 years ago and haven’t looked back since… until a few weeks ago.

Psalm 18 was a chapter I recently read in a devotion I am working through. As I read it, my gosh, how I felt like it was reading my mail on what had just happen to me. On a Sunday afternoon, I enjoyed some Dairy Queen with my hubby. As soon as I ate it, I felt guilty. I even joked to him that “I feel so guilty for eating that, I’m going to run the treadmill. Maybe I’ll feel better (meaning physically because dairy upsets my stomach).” Evening came and I still didn’t feel “happy” about “enjoying” ice cream. Monday rolled around and it was like someone had taken over my body and mind. I woke up almost flipping out about how my body felt. I had errands to run but as soon as I returned I put myself on the treadmill for an hour. I battled with myself feeling guilty and feeling like I had to work off those calories and I couldn’t eat anything else that day because what I had eaten probably caused me to gain 5 pounds. Now, you are probably laughing, (and I can now) but in the moment it was as serious as it could get. I was arguing with myself because I knew what I was feeling was wrong – but I couldn’t control it. It was as if someone else was in my mind. I ended up calling my sister and breaking down in tears about what I had done. She and I prayed together and the Holy Spirit brought me immediate peace! The weight was lifted and I immediately did not feel those feelings anymore. My heart was convicted enough to seek out help. I cried out and God heard!

Going back to Psalm 18, when I read the following scripture it was how exactly how I felt with those feelings of guilt:

“The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

The cords of the grave coiled around me;

the snares of death confronted me.” (Psalm 18: 4-5 NIV) 

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My freedom was in this portion of the chapter:

6 In my distress I called to the Lord;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.

7 The earth trembled and quaked,

and the foundations of the mountains shook;

they trembled because he was angry.

8 Smoke rose from his nostrils;

consuming fire came from his mouth,

burning coals blazed out of it.

9 He parted the heavens and came down;

dark clouds were under his feet.

10 He mounted the cherubim and flew;

he soared on the wings of the wind.

11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—

the dark rain clouds of the sky.

12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,

with hailstones and bolts of lightning.

13 The Lordthundered from heaven;

the voice of the Most High resounded.

14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy,

with great bolts of lightning he routed them.

15 The valleys of the sea were exposed

and the foundations of the earth laid bare

at your rebuke, Lord,

at the blast of breath from your nostrils.

16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;

he drew me out of deep waters.

17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,

from my foes, who were too strong for me.

18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

but the Lord was my support

19 He brought me out into a spacious place;

he rescued me because he delighted in me.