I feel like I am in a desert looking for water that doesn’t exist. I can’t bring myself to pray, or to read, or to even listen to music and just meditate. My mind can’t focus on anything long enough to actually complete a task. Instead, it runs 90 miles an hour circling the same path it has just come from. I’m starting to see grooves in the ground. I have felt “depressed” recently. I hate using that term because everyone automatically assumes you are clinically depressed and I am far from that. This evening, I drove to the gas station to get coffee for my wonderful hubby and Israel Houghton just happen to be playing. He was singing:
“To worship you I live, to worship you I live, I live to worship you.”
Simple right? It hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course I feel like this, I haven’t spent anytime with God! I hadn’t really realized I hadn’t spent time with Him. I mean, I read my daily verse and say my daily prayer but nothing beyond that. Shame on me. The medicine I need is right in front of me, literally staring me in the face. I feel like at any moment I could just break down and cry my eyes out. Maybe that would do me some good – get everything out, lol. So many say, “if you need to talk I’m here”. I know they mean it. There are some things you just can’t talk about. Some things only God and you can work out. When you can’t bring the words to your mouth to express how you feel or pinpoint the problem, it’s definitely a God situation. People can’t offer insight on something you can’t describe. (Without the Holy Spirit‘s help of course).
So here’s to trying to revive these dry bones. For water to run through them again and not feel so defeated. “Keep Your Head Up!” (literally!)
Sidenote: For whatever reason, I notice many Christians don’t admit when they are at this point. We are human, therefore we are fallible. It happens. So if you are reading this and feel the same way I do… you aren’t alone 🙂