Doing It When You Don’t Want To Do It

Today’s blog is not a long one and not one full of clever lines. It’s one I hate to even write because I am battling my flesh this morning in doing it myself. That’s what this blog is right? My own life (most of the time) open for others to accept or scrutinize at their leisure? On the way to work this morning, Immanuel Broadcasting Network (IBN) had Pastor Neil Hopper and Pastor Keith Reid on. They were discussing forgiveness and how it’s not an easy thing to but a necessary one. Forgiveness… something I can normally find the ability to do but with some certain people in my life for some reason I can’t. Oh, I could say the words “I forgive them” but I wouldn’t really mean it in my heart. They were discussing how to start speaking the words anyways. Eventually, your heart catches up to your mouth and one day you realize you really do want to forgive them. Bitterness is at the root of my unforgiveness issues as it is for much of you reading this. Maybe your bitterness is with your children, maybe a parent who left your life at an early age, maybe a friend who stabbed you in the back, maybe you know YOU are the cause of someone else’s inability to forgive, maybe you have suffered tremendous loss, maybe you have family who have treated you like the garbage, maybe you’re jealous, maybe you just can’t wish something good for someone else and you really can’t put a finger on why you can’t do this (it’s called envy by the way)… There are a million reasons why we “think” we can’t forgive. You don’t forgive for the other person – they either don’t know or don’t care you are upset. You forgive for yourself. Want God to hear your prayers? Forgive. Don’t want to be angry anymore? Forgive. Wish you could move forward with life? Forgive. Sometimes if you feel stagnant, I have found it can be because of something you are clearing the air about and forgiveness is a step in that process.

Psalm 130

Waiting for the Redemption of the Lord

A Song of Ascents. (NKJV)

Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord;
² Lord, hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive
To the voice of my supplications.

³ If You, Lord, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
⁴ But there is forgiveness with You,
That You may be feared.

⁵ I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
And in His word I do hope.
⁶ My soul waits for the Lord
More than those who watch for the morning—
Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.

⁷ O Israel, hope in the Lord;
For with the Lord there is mercy,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
⁸ And He shall redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.

In order to truly forgive, I’m going to have to work through my bitterness. Not sure how long this process takes but I’m sure it will be an experience full of emotion. There is nothing worse for me than KNOWING I’m walking into a time of feeling ups and downs emotionally speaking – being angry and crying – and all the other emotions coming with it. AND I’M PREGNANT! Sheesh! But it’s one I have to go through nonetheless. The Lord spoke (which I shared in an earlier blog) and I’m holding onto that promise. He showed me this morning what I have to do in the next step of this journey.

Someone said this to me recently and it’s as true as it comes:
“If you don’t have love you have gained nothing. To look the people in the eye knowing they have hurt you and to love them anyway is SO hard to do. But I look at it like this, if I can’t really love my family that has hurt me there is no way I’ll ever love a stranger that way.” How profound is this statement! To that person, thank you for shedding some light! Family, whether spiritually considered family or by blood, is family.