Faith isn’t always what it seems. You have heard me say that faith is taking a step at a time without knowing if the next step in the staircase even exists. What you don’t think about is where the steps you take that form the staircase take you. We assume it is taking us straight ahead to the preconceived idea in our mind. In reality, the staircase has curved a little more with each step leading us somewhere completely different then our preconceived idea.
1 Timothy 6:12
12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
The Lord asked if I was willing to sacrifice my child to Him… I couldn’t answer at first. What mother would? But it was a question I had to answer. I have two choices. I could kick and scream and tell Him I’m not doing it – or I can submit to my God and tell Him yes. Having those two choices, I could just pick the better of the two and move on but I want more than that. I want to obey Him, listen to Him and love Him. Sacrificial giving is one of the best ways you can honor the Lord. My second thought, “if God can give His son for me, why can’t I give my son for Him?” It was the most difficult decision I have ever had to make – and come to be able to make.
God has confirmed to me He has taken Elijah home. This has been a wonderful yet pain staking process to go through. My flesh cries, hurts and lacks understanding of why… No one will ever know what it feels like to lose a child you never got to hold, kiss, love on or look at. I will never hear him cry. I will never see him smile. I will never feel the touch of him held closely to my chest. I will never change his diapers and comfort him when he needs his mother. But those are earthly things. What I do have is conformation he is with Jesus. I know he will never suffer heartbreak or loss. I will always be a mother to him. I will get to see him again. I have faith that God knows what He is doing.
I will never know if the Lord would have allowed me to keep Elijah had I said “no” to His question. But I know it would not have been His plan therefore it would not have been blessed. You see, God is a gentleman and gives us free will to make our own decisions. God’s plans don’t always make sense to us. But you can count on God being there to rescue us. Love on us. Defend us. When you sacrifice what is closest to you – you are blessed for it. The most important message of this entire experience is this… Through my mouth in the name of Jesus He gave me the power to speak a child into being. That’s the power of our God. Exercise your faith.
Remember:
My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity.
- Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.
- Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.
- Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
- In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Confession Letters 
Children are a blessing from the Lord. And my what a blessing this child has been to you and his Daddy! My heart hurts for you as I have walked a mile in these shoes. (((hugs)))
Thanks for your support!
Brittany & Shane, Our hearts, thoughts, and prayers are with you at this time of pain. Know what a light you are, and have been, through all of this. We are praying for
your comfort, encouragement, and strength at this time.
Hey Jade,
We are also still praying for you and Shane. I am so sorry for the difficult road you are on right now. There really are not adequate words….I just pray that God get you through this, as I know he will, and that he will restore your soul. I pray he is your comforter right now and through this you are drawn even closer to him. I know the darkest moments of my life are truly the ones that poured the foundation of my faith. I, like Crystal, have FULL AND UNSHAKABLE FAITH that one day you and Shane will bring a child into the world and I look forward to sharing in that joy with you. I pray that in the time you are going through right now if you need anything you won’t hesitate to ask and hope you know there are many people out there praying for you and we will continue to do so. I love you and look forward to meeting eli beyond the pearly gates one day.
Jade, I am so sorry to hear this! I must admit that I haven’t followed your postings like I would have wanted to but when I saw this…something said I needed to read it. This type of experience is something no one mourns or goes through the same. You are right that people will never know how exactly this has effected you. God does things that are beyond our understanding but we all must trust in him that he has a plan for us all and it isn’t for us to understand but to comply. It’s funny, I find myself asking God all the time, “Why?” And then I get mad at my own kids for asking, “Why” when I tell them to do something. If I want for them to just do the things that are asked of them…then we must do the same when our Father comes to us. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers in the following days and weeks and months to come. If you ever need anything or anyone to talk to or just a ear to vent to…you just let me know.
~ Lisa
Praying for you still Jade! I have never had to experience this kind of pain, but know that in some strange way, those that have…have been truly blessed by the Lord. I think that there is something that you understand better about His grace, His never-ending love and comfort, when you befall such a difficult tragedy. I truly believe that you and Shane will be earthly parents one day, and I can’t wait to celebrate that moment with the two of you! Stay strong and cling to His promises…because they all will come to pass! 🙂
I love this and I couldn’t make it through this without shedding a tear (or a few). You are so strong and have so much love to give that I know you will be such a great mom when it happens. I wish you and Shane the best and thank you for sharing your story.