Free From My Secret


So let’s talk about it! Because I’m more than happy to! There is a previous blog called Those Deep Dark Secrets in which I discuss an eating disorder/self image problem that has been plaguing me for years. Yesterday – I was delivered from it!

Yesterday morning, I told God, I didn’t want to go around the mountain 40 times. I wanted to do what it took to get on with things. Little did I know, he would answer so quickly!

Ezekiel 29:21
“‘And then I’ll stir up fresh hope in Israel—the dawn of deliverance!— and I’ll give you, Ezekiel, bold and confident words to speak. And they’ll realize that I am God.'”

After church yesterday, we met back at the church for drama practice.  The youth were in the youth room praising and my sister dragged me upstairs. I sat in the back row and tried to get into prayer but all I could do is sit and watch. These kids were not 15, 16, 17 or 18 years old. The kids standing before me were spiritually 30,31, and 32 years old. My sister came and grabbed my hand and told me to come forward. I told her I didn’t want to go but she insisted. The entire time before this I had had this feeling in my stomach like I just wanted to explode but I resisted it. She raised my hands and began praying for me. She spoke certain words and then other came and placed their hands on me praying aloud, claiming HIS name and casting out things only God could have told these people about. I lost it. I fell backwards. All I could do is place my face in my hands and cry. The anger began building. I cried harder. I became angrier. I cried even harder. All of a sudden I started saying things like, “I’m can’t deal with this anymore!” ” I can’t handle this anymore!” I had no idea this was going to come out. Finally the climax of my anger I screamed, “I can’t handle this eating disorder anymore!” I could hear people around me thanking HIM for this. I kept crying, thanking HIM, crying, thanking HIM… literally it just kept going. My stomach had gone from this full feeling to being completely empty. I gave it to HIM. (People had placed their hands on my stomach while praying for me and I didn’t even put two and two together until I opened my eyes after all was done.) My stomach was burning. My entire digestive area was burning. I’m believing this burning sensation (which has continued until today) is God physically healing the damage done in my stomach.

Proverbs 4:22
For they are life to those who find them, healing and health to all their flesh.

Psalm 18:50
Great deliverances and triumphs gives He to His king; and He shows mercy and steadfast love to His anointed, to David and his offspring forever.

I had a second round come over me. I gave God my control and need for structure. I gave him numerous things on my list… And that is another thing… no more to do lists for me. They are not going to control me. Those praying for me earlier began praying for me again. Specifically, I know three people who were by my side (KF, AB and AF – thanks for being by my side. I’m not scared to be in need of prayer :). The chattering began, this time with some sound! lol That was so exciting!!!

I got home and for the first time ever, ate a donut and didn’t feel bad for it. This morning? I didn’t go to the gym. I am starving today! These are things I have never truly experienced. I’m okay in how I look. I can now be open about it and not be bothered! I am officially an open book!

Today – you can press on two spots in my stomach and physically feel a faint throbbing sensation. I had my sister touch it to make sure I wasn’t dreaming or making it up! lol It’s the same places that are burning!

P.S. My stomach is burning so bad I want to throw up! (it’s a good thing (wink))

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3 thoughts on “Free From My Secret

  1. I’m so glad at how far you have come and i know that you are a new person. I love you so much and just seeing you prophecy your testimony is amazing and it inspires me to do the same. Your an amazing person Jade never forget that.
    Love,
    A. (:

    1. I love you Ms. Beeler! You will do amazing things – just stay on path and make sure not to get off it no matter how hard it gets. Hard times are actually a good sign 🙂 It means you are definitely on the right path! (as long as they are not consequences to bad decisions, lol) I’m always here for you! Always!

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