It’s a feeling I can’t describe, or preface, or even really understand myself. When the pit of your stomach tells you something is going on… something is happening around you… you can’t quite put your finger on it… but you sense it, you sense that your world is getting ready to take a new season. As you could imagine, this is where I am. Part of me is sad, but part of me is excited. I can feel that my life is getting ready to change, in what direction, I’m not sure; however, I do know that it’s not the final step for me, but a stepping stone for sure. When things start to twist and turn, you don’t understand what is happening, can’t make sense of it…. then you look up and God smiles really big and tells you that it’s all going to be okay.
My life has changed so much in the past year. I have married my best friend; our marriage is the most amazing thing I have ever felt. Sure, I had things to learn, he had things to learn as well… but who doesn’t. If you are not learning anything then I would venture to say you are doing something wrong or nothing at all. I have so many realities coming to a close, such as graduating college. But it’s not just those major changes that make me feel like a change is coming. Everything is different. People are different, relationships are different, my spiritual life is different. It’s such a lonely feeling and sometimes a very lonely road to know that God has placed you at a certain place and a certain time but only for a short time. You can get as comfortable as you want but you know in the midst of eventually He is going to move you. You’re not meant to stay there, only to be used for a season, His season. I look at my life, the blueprints that I can see in my past leading me to where I’m going and I must admit it’s scary. But these desires I have in my heart are coming to fruition. The desires I have in my heart are now focused in the right direction and I know HE placed them there. Not me. I know He is really giving me my opportunity to be in the world but not of the world. In a single week He gave me three opportunities to do this.
You are going to be seeing some blogs that open up about my testimony hopefully soon. I have been struggling to open up about it here in a public blog — but if I can’t share my testimony in a blog how will I ever share my testimony on a platform? On a stage? To a group of people I don’t know? I can’t. So I have to take a step of faith and go to the next level feeding His sheep as he commanded me to do last October. Today in church, my Pastor spoke from Peter, and how he was told he would deny Christ three times. Peter never believed himself to be that type of person. I am praying for strength I will NEVER be put in a situation so bad that I deny Christ. I am making a stand here and now that I will stand for Christ no matter what it means I may lose. Because just when I think I have lost what could be the most precious thing to my heart, God will prevail and bless me with something even better than that specifically BECAUSE I stood for Him.
I have no clue how many people read this blog but I have a favor to ask you. Please subscribe to this blog and join me in prayer. I have never felt the urge to ask for corporate prayer so strongly as I do now. I am asking you to pray with me that God will bring these desires He has placed in my heart into play, with the perfectness He is capable of. I am asking for your prayer for me to stay grounded in His word, held accountable by those around me. And if I happen to fail, because I’m human, to help me get back up and continue my fight for My God. The vision I see is strong, possible to change the world on a monumental scale because I have God on my side and HE is worthy of ALL glorification whether I’m singing the National Anthem, a church hymn, a nursery rhyme, or a secular song. My talent is for Him, from Him and intended to shine light on Him. Please pray for the strength, wisdom, knowledge and clarification God provides for me. I have an understanding of the next thing I am supposed to do, but I don’t dare step out without His protection. That includes you reading this. I am praying for His blessing and His blinders to be placed on my eyes to see only the things He wants me to see and not what my flesh wants me to see. My desires are burning a hole in my heart they are so strong.
Not everyone will agree with my vision, but my vision is not necessarily for someone else, it’s the vision God has given me. As I heard it said, “we can’t all be on a deacon board or a pastor behind a pulpit.” It’s the best quote I have heard in a long time because there has to be different types of Christians in different areas of this life. Someone has to teach new comer’s, someone has to help lead them into a new life with Christ, someone has to counsel them, someone has to hold them accountable, someone has to help them relate to why they need it, someone has to answer their questions, someone has to help them through the transition, someone has to be the friend, someone has to be the confidant, someone has to be their prayer warrior, someone has to be the example, and someone has to do the missions work to be the bridge they cross over. I want to be the bridge. Someone else made the comment to me (which I thought was so wise) “as a bridge, be careful, because lots of different people will have to walk over you”… my support system is God. Enough said.
Confession Letters 